Published May 27, 2008
She doesn't want you to know,
but when you're gone,
she dreams she has long flowing hair that shines like the sun.
She goes off to her secret place that fills all her need,
a place where he doesn't fight with her,
a place where she doesn't cry tears of pain,
a place where they don't turn her away,
a place where all the bad is gone.
Little pixies like to comb and decorate her hair,
while they whisper secrets in her ear,
secrets of the universe that nobody else is fit to hear.
She thinks not much of going home,
she likes it better where she is now,
looking at everything from a distance,
on her cloud of fairytale land.
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140,916 Literary Works • 673,736 Reviews
Hi,
First of all I would like to say that I really like the theme to this poem. It made me think about the person in the poem.
I liked the part with the repetition. I think you really got your point across.
I liked it. It made me drift into the Fairy world.
I don't totally agree with Gordon.
Repetition sometimes sounds good in poetry and I think it did flow in nicely in this piece. Kepp it up!
Paw
Hi I am new here so I am going to try to give a good review so here it is I am going to be straight forward with you... I liked it. It had emotion and it wasn't cliche. But I did had a problem withn this stanza (below).
She goes off to her secret place that fills all her need,
a place where he doesn't fight with her,
a place where she doesn't cry tears of pain,
a place where they don't turn her away,
a place where all the bad is gone.
The first line was great but the other 4 seemed repetitive try something else to start the line off with. Also If you end the sentence with a period make sure you capitalize the next letter that you start off with.
If you Have any questions about what I said feel free to PM me anytime.
Keep up the Good stuff.
GordonRamsayLuver/GRL